While destroying a Zombie may be simple, it is far from easy. As we have seen, Zombies require none of the physiological functions that humans need to survive. Destruction or severe damage of the circulatory, digestive, or respiratory system would do nothing to a member of the walking dead, as these functions no longer support the brain. Simply put, there are thousands of ways to kill a human – and only one to kill a Zombie. The brain must be obliterated, by any means possible.
Best weapons to use against the undead.
Choosing the right weapons (never carry just one) can make the difference between a pile of dead Zombies and becoming one yourself. When confronted with the undead, it is easy to believe in the super-commando strategy: Load up with the heaviest, most powerful weapons possible and go out to “kick ass”. This is not only foolish – it is suicidal. Zombies are not camp guards in some POW escape movie, crumbling en masse with the first theatrical volley. Arming yourself for a Zombie encounter requires careful consideration, a cool head, and a practical analysis of all factors involved.
In this guide, I will cover the basic close-combat weapons and will gradually build my way up to guns, explosives and even environmental, technological and scientific methods of killing. The guide will be divided up into multiple volumes.
Close combat
Hand-to-hand combat should almost always be avoided. Given a Zombie’s lack of speed, it is much easier to run (or walk quickly) than stand and fight. However, it may be necessary to destroy a Zombie at close quarters. When this happens, split-second timing is crucial. A wrong move, a moment’s hesitation, and you may feel cold hands gripping you arm, or sharp, broken teeth biting into your flesh. For this reason above all, choosing a close-combat weapon is more important than any other in this section.
1. Bludgeons
When using a blunt weapon, the goal is to crush the brain (remember, the only way to kill a Zombie is by destroying its brain). This is not as easy as it sounds. The human skull is one of the hardest, most durable surfaces in nature. So, of course, is the Zombie’s. Extreme force is needed to fracture, let alone shatter it. However, this must be done, and done with a single, well-placed blow. Missing your target or failing to breach the bone will leave you with no second chance.
Sticks, axe handles, and other wooden clubs are good for knocking a Zombie out of the way or beating off an individual attack. What they lack is the weight and strength necessary for a lethal strike. A section of lead pipe will work for a single encounter but is too heavy for those one the move. A sledgehammer has the same drawback and also requires practice for its user to hit a moving target. Aluminium bats are light enough to work for one, maybe two fights but are known to bend after prolonged use. The standard, one-handed carpenter’s hammer has striking power but severely limited reach. It allows a Zombie to grab your arm and pull it in. The police baton, made of acetate plastic (in most cases), is strong enough for any battle but lacks the lethal power for a none-blow kill. (Note: This was intended in its design.)
The best bludgeon is a steel crowbar. Used by our good friend Gordon Freeman, its relatively lightweight and durable construction makes it ideal for prolonged close combat. Its curved, semi-sharpened edge also allows for a stabbing motion through the eye socket, directly into the brain case. More than one survivor has reported killing Zombies in this manner.
Another benefit of the crowbar is that it may be necessary to pry open a door, shift a heavy object, or perform other tasks for which it was originally designed. None of these functions can be accomplished with any of the previously mentioned items. Even lighter and more durable than the steel crowbar is the titanium model, now trickling into Western markets from Eastern Europe and the former Soviet Union.
2. Edged weapons
Blades, in any form, have advantages and disadvantages over bludgeons. Those that have enough strength to split the skull rarely stand up after many repetitions. For this reason, slicing, particularly decapitation, serves almost the same function as a head blow. (Note: The severed head of a Zombie is still able to bit and must be regarded as a threat.) The advantage of slicing over bludgeoning is that it can make killing a Zombie unnecessary. In some cases, simply chopping off a limb or severing the spine is enough to disable an undead assailant. (Note: Severing a limb also brings the possibility of contact with the virus through the exposed area – be careful.)
The civilian fire axe can easily crush a Zombie’s skull, smashing through bone and brain in one swing. Decapitation is equally easy, which is why the axe has been the favoured tool for executioners for centuries. Connecting with a moving head however, might be difficult. Furthermore, if the swing ends in a total miss, you might be taken off balance.
The smaller, one-handed hatchet is a good weapon of last resort. If you find yourself cornered, and larger weapons are useless, a hatchet blow will more than take care of an attacker.
The sword is the ideal edged weapon, but not every kind will suffice. Foils, rapiers, and similar fencing weapons are not suited for slicing. Their only possible use would be a direct stab through the eye socket followed by a quick swirling action through the brain. This motion, however, has been accomplished only once, by a trained swordsman, and is therefore not recommended.
Sing-handed long swords allow you a free hand for other tasks such as opening a door or defending your body with a shield. Their only drawback is the lack of swinging power. One arm may not have the strength to slice through the thick cartilage between bones. Another drawback is its user’s notorious lack of accuracy. Scoring a flesh wound anywhere on the body of a living opponent is one thing. Making an exact, clean chop through the neck is something else altogether.
Double-handed swords could be considered the best in their class, providing the strength and accuracy for perfect decapitation. Of this type, the Japanese Samurai Katana ranks first. Its weight (three to five pounds) is perfect for long-term conflicts, and its blade can sever the toughest organic fibre.
In tight quarters, shorter blades hold the advantage. The Roman Gladius is one choice, although combat-ready replicas are hard to find. The Japanese Ninjite boasts a two-handed grip and, in genuine models, renowned tempered steel. Both factors make it a superior weapon.
The common machete, because of its size, weight, and availability, is probably your best choice. If possible, find the military type usually sold at Arm surplus stores. Its steel tends to be of a higher quality, and its blackened blade helps concealment at night.
Knives are always useful, serving a variety of functions in a range of situations. Unlike a hatchet, they can kill a Zombie only when the blade is stabbed through the temple, eye socket, or base of the skull. On the flip side, knives almost always weigh less than hatchets and, therefore, are better if you are on the move. When choosing a knife, make sure the blade is no more than six inches long and always smooth. Avoid serrated knives and saw-blade combinations found in survival guides, as they tend to become lodged in their victims. Imagine yourself stabbing one Zombie through the temple and turning to engage the other three ghouls but not being able to retrieve your blade. (Oops!)
A variety of other hand weapons exist around the world. If you discover an implement or tool that you think might make a good weapon, ask yourself these questions:
- Can it crush a skull in one blow?
- If not, can it decapitate in said blow?
- Is it easy to handle?
- Is it light?
- Is it durable?
Questions 3, 4, and 5 will have to depend on your present location. Questions 1 and 2 are essential!
In the next volume I shall cover power tools, slings/arrows and firearms.
