Category: Nostalgia


Just though I’d share one of my favourite books with y’all. Inspired by my previous blog post.

Battle Royale is Japanese thriller about a group of 42 high school students who are placed on a deserted tropical island to take part in a Military exercise – force the students to kill one other and see who can make it out alive. The last remaining student is free to leave. The government and (oddly) the parents of each student give permission for this exercise. Each student has a collar put around his/her neck which monitors their pulse and their geographical position on the island. They are all given a specific weapon or tool; ranging from machetes, guns and compasses to grenades, cooking pans and binoculars in order to hunt down and kill their classmates. 41 out of the 42 students must die before a specific time or else all the collars around the remaining students’ necks will explode. The island has no airport, there are no boats apart from 4 at the north, south, east and west sides that are owned by the government and will shoot anyone trying to swim to safety and there are no telephones so the students cannot call for help. In short, there is no escape.

The story follows Shuya Nanahara (one of the 42 students) as he experiences his best friends brutally murdering each other, the horror that is the Japanese government and the sudden urge to make important decisions in his life, mainly – telling a girl how he feels.

The book was criticised as violent exploitation when it was first published in Japan in 1999 due to it’s horrifically violent content. The deaths/murders of each student are described in inconsiderable detail. However it went on to become a runaway bestseller. It was later translated into English in 2003.

Here’s an example of such gratuitous detail:

Kazushi swung his nunchucks again. She dodged them by bending back – but the nunchucks followed her instead. Perhaps he’d gotten used to them. This time Kazushi managed to extend his reach.

She felt a sharp thud against the left side of her head.

She began to sway. A warm liquid came flowing from her left nostril.She was on the verge of falling. Kazushi must have looked like he was sure he’d won.

Still swaying, Takako’s pretty, sharply curved eyes squinted. As she fell, she stretched out her long legs and with her might kicked Kazushi’s left knee from the right side. Kazushi let out a painful moan and fell on his left knee. His body floundered and rotated halfway on his knee. Now she saw his back.

Had she tried to take the ice pick, Takako might have lost. But that wasn’t what she did. She leaped onto Kazushi’s back. She clutched onto his head as if riding on his shoulders. Her weight forced him to fall forward.

If a thought occurred to her it was in choosing which fingers she should use. Her index and middle…no…the strongest combination would be her middle finger and thumb. And…Takako had always taken good care of her nails. No matter how many times her team coach Mr. Tada scolded her about them she refused to shorten her nails.

Hanging onto Kazushi, Takako grabbed hold of his hair and tanked his head back. She could tell where they were.

Kazushi must have suddenly realized her intentions. She saw him shut his eyes. It was useless though. Takako’s right middle finger and thumb tore through his eyelids and dug into his eye sockets.

“AIEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Kazushi screamed. He fell on his arms, got up on his knees, dropped his nunchucks, and tried to brush off her hands. His body moved frantically as she tried to get rid of her.

Takako held tightly onto Kazushi and refused to let go. She pushed her fingers in further. Her thumb and middle finger dug in up to their second joints. As she dug in she felt something pop and realized it was his eyeballs. She didn’t expect eye sockets to be this small. Takako didn’t hesitate to bend her sharp fingers inward. Blood and semi-transparent slimy liquid came oozing down his cheeks like weird tears.

“ARRRRGH,” Kazushi cried as he got up and swung his arms around frantically. He tried to pry her right hand loose from his head with both of his hands and pulled at Takako’s hair. Takako leaped off Kazushi, who ended up with what felt like several strands or even a bundle of hair. Well, she couldn’t be worried about that now. She looked for her ice pick and found it. She snatched it up.

Kazushi moaned and swung his arms at the (literally) unseen enemy.Then he fell back on his rear end. His eyes were open, but his eyes were completely immersed in a sea of red. He resembled an albino monkey now. Takako dragged her right leg and limped toward him. She lifted her wounded right leg and stomped down onto his unprotected crotch. The purple striped white track sneaker was not red, soaked with Takako’s own blood. Underneath its sole she felt a squashing sensation as if she were crushing a rodent. “URGH,” Kazushi moaned. He held his crotch and turned on his side, balled up like a fetus. Now Takako began stepping on his throat with her left leg. She put her weight on it. Kazushi reached out, trying to move her foot, hitting it feebly, trying to free himself.

“Hel…” Kazushi uttered. It sounded like a tiny draft of air because his throat had been crushed.

“Help…”
Yeah right, Takako thought. She could tell her mouth was breaking into a grin. She realized she wasn’t angry anymore. She was actually enjoying this. She was sure about it. So what? She never claimed to be Pope John Paul II or the 14 Dalai Lama.

On her knees now, she thrust the ice pick into his mouth (she saw several cavity fillings). His arms which were struggling to pull at her leg suddenly froze. Takako pushed further. It sunk into his throat without much resistance. Kazushi’s entire body, from his chest down to his toes, then went into convulsions as if swimming the submariner. Then it stopped. The albino eyes still remained open, surrounded by a spider’s web patter of gooey blood like running paint.

She felt a sudden surge of pain in her right leg and fell on her back by his head. She was panting now the way she did after doing the 200-metre dash twice for physical tests. She’d won. But she also felt empty. The actual fight might have lasted less than thirty seconds. She wouldn’t have survived a longer fight. In any case…she won. That’s what mattered.

Takako held her blood-soaked right leg as she looked down at the corpse of Kazushi, who resembled a travelling magician attempting to spit out an ice pick from his throat. Now ladies and gentlemen, I shall spit out what I just swallowed…

See what I mean? It even has a subtle sense of humour about it all, not exactly taking itself seriously at times. But that passage isn’t even close to the level of violence that Battle Royale raises to.


The book was later made into a film in the year 2000. It deviated heavily from the book; changing certain characters’ backstories, their location on the island, the weapon they used, how they died, even the bloody island itself. All pointless changes that didn’t need to be made. It’s still a good film though and a good alternative to those who don’t want to read 616 pages.

One of the opening shots of the film: The last remaining survivor to the Battle Royale prior to the one depicted in the book.

The film wasn’t particularly well-made, even though it had a ¥3,110,000,000 budget (approx. $37,000,000). But it was ten years ago (almost 11 now) and times have changed since then.

No, seriously. This happens.

The acting wasn’t great, some of the plot points were over-exaggerated or not explained well enough and the subtitles for foreign releases looked like they were written by blind Yak with a keyboard strapped to its feet. It did however have an excellent soundtrack, a deeper look into the character of Shuya and more bullet-ridden corpses than a Quentin Tarantino script.

One of my favourite posters, ever.

The film is in fact Quentin Tarantino’s favourite film since he became a director in 1992. There at talks of an American remake, but as of right now nobody has bought the rights for it. When/if someone does, I would love for Quentin Tarantino to direct it. As would he.

There are several Manga’s based on the book…

battleroyale_manga

and also a sequel to the film…


It was shit.

Battle Royale is my favourite Japanese film, of any genre, and also my favourite book. I hold both very dear to my heart, especially the book. It would tear me apart if a remake was ever made and it too was shit.

Oh dear God... I'm doomed.

I just died a little inside…

The current deadness of my soul can be summed up in one single film trailer. Do you wanna die inside with me? Then watch the trailer below…

I feel your pain.

Why the Hell are Warner Bros. commissioning this? Why ruin people’s childhood memories?

Here’s something just as bad:

I’m actually at a loss for words right now. I mean just look at the cast lists for these films.

They’re awful.

PS. The ingrowing toenail still hurts, like anyone cares.

Cartoon theme songs – Volume 2

##~~ Taz-Mania – 1991-1993 ~~##

There was just something about this cartoon that made me smile. I don’t know whether it was the lyrics to the theme song, the colourful animation, Taz’s crazy family or just Taz himself, but it made me smile. And laugh myself silly.

##~~ Tiny Toon Adventures – 1990-1995 ~~##

From the creators of Animaniacs, only 3 years earlier. Inspired by the original Looney Tunes, Tiny Toon Adventures was set in a “looniversity” where cute and adorable little fury animals learnt how to become child entertainers.

The show shared the same amount of charm and finesse as Animaniacs as well as many of the same voice actors. Not a lot of people remember it as Animaniacs did a lot better, but Tiny Toon Adventures should be watched and enjoyed by everyone. Especially Animaniacs fans.

##~~ Dexter’s Laboratory – 1996-2003 ~~##

A boy genius who has a secret laboratory in his bedroom, who’s older sister (who always manages to get in, somehow) is constantly destroying his creations.

Sure, this wasn’t the most realistic of cartoons. There’s absolutely no way a laboratory of that scale would fit inside such a small bedroom, but who the Hell cares? It’s a cartoon! A very funny, well written and rather clever cartoon and I miss it terribly.

##~~ 2 Stupid Dogs – 1993-1995 ~~##

One of Hanna-Barbera’s classics. I don’t remember that much about it as I was under the age of 5, but I do remember the 2 dogs spending probably 2-3 minutes arguing over who was going to chew a old toilet they’d found in an alley way. Then in another episode, they met up with Little Red Riding Hood in a slightly different version of the children’s fairytale of the same name. How… random…

##~~ Courage the Cowardly Dog – 1999-2002 ~~##

I have never seen another cartoon like this one. Wikipedia lists it as a Black Comedy, Comic Science fiction and Horror.

A cowardly dog, ironically named Courage, is found by an elderly couple living in the middle of Nowhere. That’s with a capital “N” as the place in which they live is literally called “Nowhere”.

Every now and then, strange things happened in Nowhere. It was attacked by a zombified movie director, a psychotic fox wearing sunglasses, an even more psychotic red cat, an evil queen living in a puddle and a barber who’s obsessed with his job. Seriously, the writers must have been on Crystal Meth or something.

##~~ I Am Weasel ~~##

Originally a series of sketches inbetween episodes of Cow & Chicken, later a full on spin-off, the stories of a Weasel and a Baboon living in possibly the craziest worlds ever portrayed in a cartoon. I honestly cannot describe a thing about the show, except that it was a somewhat twisted and sometimes dark take on the “Pop Goes the Weasel” nursery rhyme.

##~~ Jackie Chan Adventures – 2000-2005 ~~##

Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, this aired on Fox Kids. But it still deserves a mention.

The adventures of Jackie Chan living in Chinatown, San Francisco with his niece Jade and his uncle, erm… “Uncle”. I believe that’s all they called him.

The character of Jackie Chan was of course based on the martial artist/actor Jackie Chan and was also voiced by him. In the show however, he was also an archaeologist; and with the help of his uncle and niece he saved the world from evil forces by preventing them from obtaining certain ancient artefacts. Artefacts ranging from talismans with magical powers, portals to demon dimensions and Oni masks that summon the evil warriors – “The Shadowkhan” – who were awesome, by the way.

The final volume will arrive soon.

Cartoon theme songs – Volume 1

Cartoons. Just about every kid has watched some. They’ve been around for decades; the 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s and the 00s.

For me, the 90s were the best. And almost every cartoon that I watched in the 90s was broadcast by none other than Cartoon Network and Boomerang.

I remember the days when Cartoon Network & Boomerang broadcast good cartoons. But inevitably, 2004 arrived and it all went downhill from there (excluding 3 shows). In this post I shall look back on my favourite cartoons broadcast by the once brilliant networks along with their highly memorable theme songs.

##~~ Animaniacs – 1993-1998 ~~##

Ahh, the memories.

This has to be my favourite cartoon of all time. It was funny, charming and also very, very clever. You just don’t see that in cartoons these days.
Following the lives of 3, erm, dog-like creatures: The Warner Brothers; and the Warner Sister, as they cause chaos and mayhem around Warner’s movie studios while desperately trying not to be caught by security and thrown back in the Warner Brothers water tower.
The theme song is so damn catchy it’s like a disease, that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside whenever you think of this cartoon. The characters were loveable, adorable (especially Dot) and bloody outrageously entertaining. Sadly, it all came to an end late 1998 and never really saw the light of day again. It’s nowhere to be found on TV and only 3 volumes have been released on Region 1 DVD.

It brings a tear to my eye that a cartoon this charismatic has been forgotten by so many people and never been seen by children of any other generation. It’s just zaney to the max.

##~~ Cow and Chicken – 1997-1999 ~~##

Oh, my, God. This cartoon was so fucking weird. In a good way.

Family based antics of a cow and a chicken, who are somehow siblings owned by a group of humans who appear to have no upper torsos, being pursued and constantly aggravated by a naked, homosexual devil. Seriously, I’m not making that up.

##~~ Ed, Edd ‘n’ Eddy -1999-2009 ~~##

The adventures of 3 best friends, all named Edward, as they scam all the local kids in the neighbourhood out of their hard-earned cash to buy Jawbreakers.

A simple premise, but a fantastic cartoon. Hilarious one-liners, great characters, old-school animation and a 10-year legacy to boot. This is the longest running cartoon that Cartoon Network has ever had and they’re idiots for letting it go last November (2009).

I guess we’ll never know what was underneath Edd’s hat or what Ed’s middle name was.

##~~ Johnny Bravo – 1997-2004 ~~##

All-round cool guy, Johnny Bravo, trying to score women. Again, a simple premise, but one of Cartoon Network’s best. Unfortunately though, it disappeared in 2004 along with Cartoon Network.

Every boy in the playground wanted to be this guy and every girl hated his guts, but couldn’t resist his egotistical charm and wit.

##~~ The Powerpuff Girls – 1998-2005 ~~##

Created from sugar, spice and “everything nice”, the Powerpuff Girls were 3 fingerless superheroines fighting crime against the forces of evil in “the City of Townsville!”

Absolutely adorable little things, the Powerpuff Girls. Each with their own set of special skills and personalities. 1 of 3 of the only cartoons on Cartoon Network to make it past 2004.

They even got their own movie…

…unfortunately, it sucked.

Very clichéd writing; although I guess it was aimed at little kids, good characters and quite possibly one of the creepiest villains ever created

##~~ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – 2003-2009 ~~##

Okay, so this never actually aired on Cartoon Network or Boomerang. It aired on Fox Kids, a network that now no longer exists. Sadly.

4 genetically mutated turtles living in New York’s sewer system who fight crime, train to be warriors and enjoy a good ol’ slice of pizza!

Screw the 1987 series and those God-awful live-action series from the late 90s. The 2003 series of TMNT was awesome. Just listen to the theme tune and you’ll see why. I only ever saw the first series of this show as I inevitably grew up and forgot about it, but I will definatley get round to watching the rest of it one day.

##~~ Ozzy & Drix – 2002-2004 ~~##

Based on the 2001 film “Osmosis Jones“, Ozzy and Drix are a white blood cell cop and a cold pill side-kick who live in the City of Hector (the body of a boy called Hector) who fight crime in order to retain peace in the “city” and ultimately keep Hector alive.

Massively underrated, hilarious, educational and a timeless classic.

More themes coming soon.

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