Yellow Light Of Death

Just got hit by the YLOD. Now I’m gonna have to fork out for one of those shit slimline models that don’t play PS2 games.

EDIT: I’ve tried and tried but alas, I couldn’t fix my PS3. I’m not gonna bother with Sony’s customer service, I’m just gonna take it somewhere tomorrow to be fixed. And if they can’t fix it, I’m gonna buy a Slim. Sure they can’t play PS2 games, but I can always grab a second-hand PS2 from somewhere.

EDIT: Grabbed myself a 120GB Slim with Rachet & Clank: A Crack In Time for £145. Traded in my broken 60GB model so I got it for less.

The inevitable E3 post

Okay, I was trying desperately not to mention E3. But I have to. Mainly – PlayStation Move and Project Natal, no known as “Kinect”.

We’ll start off with Kinect:

Not only can Microsoft not spell, but they’re basically designing a bastardisation of the Nintendo Wii. The advert is even filmed exactly the same way.

However, Sony aren’t much better. In fact, they’re even worse (for once). Now I’ve already made my opinion of PlayStation Move abundantly clear, so I shall comment on a recent hands-on preview from IGN with SOCOM 4:

Either the controls suck or Greg Miller isn’t that good (I’m hoping it’s the latter). This game doesn’t look very engaging Move-wise. It seems that you just stand there and wave the controllers around like you do on the Wii. SOCOM 4 appears to be nothing more than a 3D rail shooter and Sony should be ashamed of themselves. Although I suppose it is something that they tried to incorporate their motion controls into a proper game, not some juvenile, incorrigible reject from Nintendo’s drawing boards.

See, I’m not always bashing the 360. (grow up)

Thank God Microsoft ditched that ridiculous name though. (okay, so I’m a hypocrite! Flame me!)

Epic fail for Microsoft

Before you say it, no, this is not fake. It’s an official report recently taken from Metacritic. PS3 has a higher average score, almost 3 times bigger than the 360. And that’s from just 60 exclusive games compared to the 360′s 218 exclusive games.

Up yours, Microsoft fanboys. Less is more, quality not quantity.

Crytek: Crysis 2 Runs Better on PS3

But of course it does. The PS3 is far more powerful than the Xbox 360 and even most standard PCs. What I’m talking about is that the video game company Crytek have reported that their upcoming game Crysis 2 runs better on the PS3 than the Xbox 360. Many developers have found the PS3′s hardware difficult to work with and were not able to deliver with as much quality as the 360. e.g. F.E.A.R., Bayonetta and just about every port made by EA Games. Read my post about console ports for more details.

Crytek are joining the console generation fairly late and are therefore more capable of developing a good game by learning from other developers’ mistakes. But they aren’t the first developer to do that. Do the words “Naughty Dog” and “Uncharted” ring any bells? They completely blew every other developer and game out of the water with Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune, and even more-so with Uncharted 2: Among Thieves. So I guess this is a sign of things to come – developers are slowly getting better. And with Blu-Ray movies coming down in price, this is a very good time to be glad, proud and excited that you own a PS3.

Designer/Co-founder of Heavenly Sword says the PS3′s 3D capabilities will be “limited”.

Tameem Antoniades: “The problem is that to do 3D properly you need to render 60 frames per second, per eye. And at least a 720p resolution [per eye]. “So in essence that’s 1080p rendering at 120 frames per second, and the current generation can only process very rudimentary graphics at that spec.”

“I think the technology’s limited now, so you won’t be able to play stuff that looks like Avatar — the movie — in 3D,” he explained. “Every generation has to be at least five-to-ten times more powerful than the last, so I think we’ll get there in the next generation. I think that will be totally revolutionary for games.”

That’s rich coming from someone who designed and co-founded a boring, ugly, repetitive button-masher which only sold 1.5 million copies and was clearly a rip-off of God Of War.

PlayStation Move

I consider myself a fairly hardcore Sony fan. I’ve owned every gaming platform they’ve ever released and have been nothing but impressed by their efforts.

But now, they appear to be merely copying Nintendo. With the recent announcement of PlayStation Move, I’m baffled as to how they are getting away with it. Watch the launch trailer for it and tell me that it isn’t a clone of the Wii…

What’s that I hear you say? “It looks exactly like the Wii”? I thought so too.

To make matters worse, Sony are copying the Wii and they know it. They seem somewhat proud of themselves, thinking that they’re improving the Wii. Last time I checked, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig”.

And providing the icing for this harebrained confectionery, is Kevin Butler.

I have now totally lost my faith in Sony.

And what a douche – “Real boxers don’t hit like this” *mocks Wii Boxing* – Surely Nintendo could sue him for that.
“PlayStation Move is not only crazy precise (a semantically null sentence), it’s also got what we in the future all buttons which turn out to be pretty important to those ???-millions of people who enjoy playing shooters, platformers or… well, anything that doesn’t involve catching a big red ball so… I mean, c’mon, who wants to pretend their hand is a gun? What is this? 3rd grade?” – Not only can he barely string a correct sentence together, but openly mocking the Wii like that is just childish and unprofessional.

I don’t know who to turn to now. Sony’s always been my favourite of the big 3 companies, but now they’ve turned into Nintendo. And Microsoft are doing that exact same thing only they’re using full body control so they can get away with it more easily. C’mon, Nintendo got into the whole motion controller thing first and they did it well. There’s no need to copy it and make it “better”.

I won’t be surprised if Nintendo files a massive lawsuit against both Sony and Microsoft for stealing their idea, causing both companies to loose huge amounts of money and forcing them to concentrate on the other big new trend. That’s right, 3D. God help us all.

DualShock 3

Does anyone know where I can buy one of these for under the bog standard £34/35? Or less than £20 for that matter? Because those kind of prices really are ridiculous amounts for a controller. I only have 1 that vibrates and the other 2 that came with my PS3 are those tatty shit ones that weigh less than a £5 note, and I’d really like to buy another one and get the Gioteck Real Triggers for it so my friends don’t feel left out when we play Co-op.

Gioteck Real Triggers For PS3

These just arrived in the post:

They’re basically just 2 pieces of plastic that clip on top of the PS3′s L2 and R2 buttons to prevent your fingers from slipping. I’ve never had a problem with that, but they were £2.99 so I decided to check them out.

I must say they feel great for 2 pieces of plastic, and they don’t seem to fall off at all. Even if you mash the triggers as hard as you can, they still cling on and demand more.

You can grab yourself a pair over at Play.com.

It makes me wonder why Sony didn’t make their controllers like this in the first place, or at least keep the trigger buttons from the PS1/PS2 days:

Motion controllers

Every year the 3 major games console developers Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo compete to make something new and engaging for their consumers. A new genre of game for instance, an online marketplace/store, TV streaming, avatars, each one more bizarre and outright pointless than the last.

But one thing that really gets on my nerves is motion controllers. Nintendo was the first to release such a thing to the public back in November 2006 with their ridiculously-named “Wii”, on which they’ve released countless Mario and Zelda remakes. Then in June 2009 Microsoft announced they were also jumping on the bandwagon with their even more ridiculously-named “Project Natal”, going the whole hog with full body control.

I will admit that both of these ideas are interesting and bring something new to how we play games, but they’re also completely obsolete to the hardcore, even the casual gamer. And they might as well forget about people that don’t play games, except maybe your grandmother who likes to play a little Wii Tennis at Christmas.
Hardcore gamers are simply not interested in moving while playing games. They’re lazy, probably obese couch potatoes with very little knowledge of the word “exercise”. The idea of moving their arms around to aim a gun is baffling to them and just far too much effort. And remember all those reports of people injuring themselves while using the Wiimote? Dislocated shoulders from swinging it to hard while playing baseball, hitting ceiling lights and people in the face while playing tennis, controllers being flung into TV screens while playing bowling with the wrist strap unfastened, the list is endless. If they thought those incidents were bad, Natal is literally going to murder them.
I suppose the casual gamer may be slightly interested in this idea, but due to the word “casual” it’s not enough to turn them into a full-time gamer. I mean, the idea of pretending to hold and fire a gun when there’s already a gun being held and fired just a few feet in front of you is ludicrous.

Finally, Sony are the last to join the club with a currently unnamed motion controller (possible called “Gem”). A poor decision if you ask me, I was rather hoping Sony were smarter than that, would remain unique and invent some kind of brain-wave controller. But alas, it wasn’t to be. And this “Gem” thing just looks like a rip-off of the Wiimote, which is rather disappointing. Of all people, I didn’t expect Sony to come up with shittiest idea.

Here’s something I found on YouTube, Left 4 Dead 2 using motion control:

I know, right? The motion detection is unresponsive and you look like a total burk when using it. If this technology makes it to production, gamers everywhere are going to develop arthritis far too early in life. That goes for all motion control technology; Wii, Natal & SIXAXIS/”Gem”. All 3 developers need to pack it in and get back to making quality games again.

What’s the next big innovation? Ah yes, 3D. It’s already in our cinemas, so it’s only a matter of time until we’re playing games in 3D. As if I thought there wasn’t anything more pointless than motion control…

PS3 firmware update 3.10

I just started downloading it now, and it’s utterly pointless. It consists of two things – Facebook and Polish as a System Language.

First off, what’s the point in having Facebook on your PS3? Or your Xbox 360, which also adopted it last week? I have a computer that I can use Facebook on, I don’t need an app on my PS3. I could even use Facebook perfectly well on the PS3′s Web Browser before this firmware update!

Secondly, why have Sony only just got round to adding Polish as a System Language? Surely every available language should have been added on day 1. But no, those racists bastards didn’t even acknowledge the existence of the Poles. It makes me physically sick.

EDIT: Just tried it out now, and Facebook on the Web Browser hasn’t changed one sodding bit. Not only are Sony racist, they’re also lyers.